Ladies: Beware of the fake (male) feminist

Feminism. The word’s got a bit of a bad reputation, hasn’t it? Mention you’re a feminist in a crowd of people and they may think you’re a man-hating “modernist” out to take over the world and crush all menfolk.

Now mention the word equality and you might be onto something. We all want to treat each other fairly and equally, don’t we? Or, so we think…

See, whilst we all know how to spot an out and proud “anti-feminist” and the worst cases of discrimination and furthermore violence against girls and women (FGM, child marriage, eradicating female education and so on), an equally worrying dilemma is that of the fake feminist.

Now, when I say feminist, let me be clear from the word go. The men I’m talking about in particular (like many people in fact) won’t call themselves feminists. “Feminist” is a “Western”, quirky word apparently…. No, definitely not. But they do quite openly believe in women’s equality – despite cultural and traditional pressures both behind the scenes and out in the open. So, how do they do this you might ask?

Well, here are some examples:

  • They encourage their sisters to go to university
  • They openly state that men and women are equal
  • They’re repulsed at and denounce child marriage, FGM and other forms of gender-based violence
  • They believe that women should (if they wish) be active in the workplace and their female relatives often work
  • They claim to be looking for a “partner”, an equal or a love-match – not simply a “wife” (in his words: a submissive maid with whom he’s got nothing in common)

Right, sounds good so far. So, what’s the issue you may ask? Well see, feminism i.e. gender equality isn’t (simply) about women going to work and not being locked up at home. It’s not just about being safe from violence, it’s about equality: financially, sexually, spiritually, socially, culturally and emotionally.

Here’s the definition from the Cambridge dictionary just to clarify:


See, it’s there in black and white: “the same rights, power, and opportunities as men…”

Now – whilst I’m not trying to tar all men with the same brush – the fake feminist will do all the things I’ve already pointed out but at the same time:

  • He won’t help out with the housework/equally share chores when both partners are working (or even see it as his responsibility)
  • He won’t encourage his wife in her career and community pursuits
  • Equally so, he could also be demeaning to his wife who decides to stay at home and care for her children (a full-time job in itself!) when the family are in no financial hardship
  • He won’t prioritise his wife’s sexual needs

In short, the fake feminist hides behind sexist outdated stereotypes, attitude and norms. In reality, the male fake feminist actually feels intimidated by a successful, independent, confident woman. When challenged as to why one standard exists for men and another for women, he’ll simply say: “Well, my sister is happy doing it” or “It’s just the way it is”.

So, to these men I ask: why do you feel do intimated by women? You know what equality is surely? Or do you…? It’s quite simply (on a basic level) what you have and enjoy! It’s the things you do, the places you go and the dreams you pursue. Yet, such men appear to be so engrained in their socio-cultural bubble, so threatened by the reality of female equality that they struggle with the very concept – just like all openly proud misogynists who’d automatically denounce feminism and female equality in all terms, regardless of semantics.

Yes, the fake male feminists I’m talking about claim to want an independent woman but in reality, what they’re really looking for is often an educated woman that will still do all of the housework, that will still put him first and that will still take full or primary responsibility for the childrearing.

The question I’d therefore propose to these men is: are you ready to handle a woman who demands to be treated as your equal? Are you ready to share the housework? Are you passionate about encouraging your wife to follow her interests? Are you ready to feed the baby and change nappies? Are you ready to put on an apron if you come home early from work and your wife’s still on the way home from the office?

See, a confident, self-assured man who truly believes in female equality doesn’t feel intimated by his wife’s success. Like a jealous, insecure “fake friend”, such behaviour reveals more about such men (not women) than they realise. Remember, if you truly believed in equality of the sexes, what you wish for yourself is what you’d wish for you wife.

So, ladies: watch out for the fake feminist. Put him to the test before you dedicate your life to him. Actions always speak louder than words… And gentlemen: don’t be a fake feminist. Be the man she deserves and encourage her to be the woman she so proudly is

Credits and ackowledgments

Article written by Elizabeth Arif-Fear – first published by She Speaks We Hear (23/10/2017).



“These people are risking their lives in the Mediterranean – we must not forget them” – Welcoming refugees along the Andalusian coast

With so much in the media about migrants and refugees, it’s more important than ever to listen to real stories – stories of those who’ve lived through their very own refugee journey and also those of the people who are on the ground followig the difficult journeys vulnerable refugees and migrants face each and every day in their work.

With this is mind, let me introduce you to Jesús – a professional photographer working in Malaga (southern Spain) documenting the arrival of migrants and refugees across the Mediterranean. Here’s his story.


Hi, my name is Jesús and I’m a press journalist based in Malaga (Spain). In my day-to-day work I focus on a variety of different local, national and international issues. One of the many areas I cover is immigration and in Malaga in particular this involves documenting the influx of refugees/migrants arriving in small rubber dinghies. Most people who arrive here have usually travelled from Morocco and this topic continues to gain ongoing media attention as more and more boats are arriving.

On a personal level, I’m passionate about photographing these vulnerable people and documenting their lives because I want to make sure that society doesn’t forget that there are people out there constantly risking their lives in Mediterranean waters. It’s more important than ever to show people the reality of what’s going on so that anti-migrant and anti-refugee abuse can stop – both on a political and governmental level.


In southern Spain, migrants and refugees arrive via the Alboran Sea which is right next to the coast of Malaga, Granada and Almeria on the Andalusian coastline. Over the last few months, there’s been a constant stream of dinghies arriving here in Malaga. Sources say that the number is more than double the amount than those in 2016.


Normally people travel in inflatable boats (called “toys”) in terrible, degrading conditions, risking their lives in the process. Once their boats are spotted in the Alboran Sea, the Maritime Rescue boats pick them up and take them to the port in Malaga (or other nearby locations in areas such as Motril or Barbate).


People usually arrive safely, except for a select few who require urgent medical assistance from the Red Cross. This could include minors, pregnant women or people with either hypothermia or showin signs of other illnesses. Whilst the Maritime Rescue team help new arrivals enter the port, Red Cross staff are responsible for offering humanitarian aid including medical assistance and food inside the port itself in a marquee set up by the Red Cross. This marquee is constantly guarded by local, national police and the Civil Guard.


New arrivals requiring urgent medical attention leave the port and are taken by ambulance to the nearest medical facility. Malaga port is not adequately equipped to offer appropriate medical care, unlike areas such as Motril for example. A lot of people have complained about that and thankfully, they’ve now agreed to set up a space to be able to deal with those people arriving, rather than simply using an open-air space in the port. However, despite the agreed plans, nothing has yet been built.


Every time a dingy arrives into the port, the complex police procedures start. Police forces are on the ground watching over new arrivals in case a fight breaks out or things turns sour. Working as a member of the press alongside the police is difficult. Sometimes they block us from taking photos of people arriving or of covering potentially “compromising situations” such as when someone is being taken away in a police escort – as if they’d committed some sort of crime.


At this point, once the Red Cross have finished their work, lawyers from the College of Lawyers in Malaga are on hand to offer legal assistance and deal with possible asylum and refugee claims etc. Finally, all the migrants/refugees are taken to the police station or what is referred to as “detention centres for foreigners”.


Having experienced the arrival of refugees/migrants on our coast, one thing I have to say that it’s never easy to be there. It’s even harder to take their photos. These are tough, difficult moments in people’s lives, especially when minors are involved. You see how these vulnerable men, women and children are moved to the port to spend the night out in the cold or humid sea air and you get a glimpse of just how truly terrible it is to be travelling in these rubber dinghies, crammed in together, suffering for many long hours at sea. Perhaps the worst moment of their life is when their dinghy is lost at sea and becomes untraceable. In the worst cases, it sinks in the Mediterranean waters with no help from anyone because the rescue forces haven’t (yet) reached them. It’s moments like these that make you feel angry, outraged and powerless.


Despite such tragedy, Spanish society is still talking about the issue as some sort of “mass immigration crisis”. People have so much prejudice, despite knowing nothing about the lives of these people and their reasons for leaving their homeland. Sometimes I think that if we were to hear people’s own stories directly from them – rather than through the media – and listen to everything that was and is happening to them then people’s opinions would change. However, sometimes I just think that society will just carry on being racist and xenophobic. We’re dealing with a moral issue here – people’s lack of respect for and interest in repeated human rights violations against migrant and refugee populations, simply for what they see as a minor “inconvenience” for our government’s administration.


Perhaps one of the biggest things I’ve discovered through my work and in my personal life as a volunteer and human rights activist, is how thankful these people are when they first step onto “Spanish soil”. These people have lived through such immense hardships and faced many more to arrive here and yet almost each and every person who arrives will look at you with such thanks, kindness and sincerity. If you look into their eyes and then look into ours, you’ll see the difference.


It is this that helps in some way to tear down stereotypes and prejudices. It is this that helps us to always see these people as humans, just like any other person endowed with rights. We should recognise that all migrants and refugees must be respected and treated in the best way possible. This lesson is especially true for my current government and the European Union – the main abusers of the human rights of these vulnerable human beings.


jesus bio.jpgJesús Mérida, 24 years old, is a freelance press photographer based in Malaga (Spain).

He works with the local newspaper Málaga Hoy and the press agency ASNERP, as well as Amnesty International (Malaga).

Jesús’ professional and personal interests are focused around social and human rights issues both locally, nationally and internationally.

Credits and ackowledgments

Text and photography: Jesús Mérida (c) (all rights reserved)
Translation: Elizabeth Arif-Fear (original Spanish text can be viewed here)

Thank you Jesús for sharing your inspiring story and photography and for all the amazing work you do!

Follow Jesús on Twitter @JesusMerida_