10 Examples of everyday sexism in the English language

The other day I was talking to an acquaintance about a trip he took abroad and the difficulties he’d faced. However, the conversation left me with a niggly unpleasant feeling. You see, as a woman – despite his best intentions – I’d found the conversation offensive. How? Well, it was with one little phrase: “I was such a girl!”

By attempting to describe himself as impatient, scared and moody whilst abroad , he was equating masculinity and “acting like a man” with strength and women and “femininity” with weakness. For someone to unintentionally perpetuate negative sexist stereotypes through a very common expression, sadly shows just how deeply engrained sexism is in our society. This got me thinking about the many other sexist expressions that we (yes even me!) commonly use.

As both men and women, we need to identify sexist language and call it out for what it is. So, here’s 10 more examples of everyday sexism in English.

1. To man up

Telling someone to “man up” means what you’re actually saying is that “being a man” means being “strong”, fearless and confident. You’re saying that men should not show and feel (perfectly normal) emotions. You’re in fact discouraging a sense of positive masculinity and declaring that women are instead weak, over-emotional, scared and un-daring!

2. To grow a pair (of balls)

Women don’t need male genitalia to be strong – despite what the opposite rather vulgar “female equivalent” of this expression would imply! A person is strong irrespective of their gender/sex. We are all on various journeys and paths of development and there are many kinds of strength (emotional, physical, spiritual) which are also irrelevant to sex/gender.

3. To be a sissy

This horrible expression is both sexist, homophobic and transphobic. By calling a man a “sissy”, you’re referring to him as feminine (female-like), “unmanly”, weak and cowardly, as opposed to an apparently strong, brave, “rugged” male specimen…

4. Man and wife

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Announcing that the woman is the man’s “property” (instead of declaring “husband and wife”), this expression is thankfully nowadays less common than it used to be. In other languages however such as French, the term “femme” meaning “woman” is still commonly used to refer to your wife. So, it’s not just here. Equal partnerships folks!

5. Maiden name

I won’t get into whether a woman should or shouldn’t change her surname when getting married. What I will say is that the term “maiden name” is incredibly patronisingly sexist. A “maiden” is an outdated term referring to a young (teenage-ish), “innocently naïve” unmarried woman (usually a virgin). This old-fashioned term implies women should be married at a young age and that women above a certain age are “past it”. No. Women have the right to get married whenever they like and should not be defined by their marital status.

6. To wear the trousers in the relationship

Trousers are traditionally associated with masculinity as in earlier days they were only worn by men (when women were seen as men’s property). However, many women now choose to wear (or not wear) trousers, men also don’t own women and nor should women seek to dominate men. A couple is (supposed to be) an equal team made of two individuals with their own strengths and flaws, complete with dialogue, consensus and compromise.

7. Man flu

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Does the man flu even exist? I’m sorry fellas but this just wreaks of a sense of self-entitlement. Women and men both get colds and the flu. The flu is completely debilitating – a cold is not. Don’t shoot me here but women often have more household and childcaring responsibilities and I for one know that when I’m run down I get ill. Male or female – deal with your health issue and if it really is the flu then rest but please don’t make everyone else suffer!

8. Sew your wild oats

The age-old double standard of “sew your wild oats” legitimises male promiscuity and objectifies women as sex objects. Women instead who do the same are however called all number of derogatory names. I’m not here to comment on people’s own sexual behaviour but to point out that there is a clear double standard here. “Sewing your oats” is portrayed as some kind of masculine biological-anthropological “natural need” even in the 21st century.

9. Boys will be boys

Parents and relatives may say: “Ah well, boys will be boys” to excuse all manner of things at any given moment (usually during their youth). At the same time, the same would not be said for the girls. Using this expression implies that men can do X, Y Z freely but girls must not. Once again, there’s a clear double standard here.

10. To get your knickers in a twist

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Going back to number six and the stereotype of men as strong, dominant and independent, knickers (a female garment) are instead associated with awkward moodiness, over-sensitivity and irrationality. Men obviously have their own undergarments and as with examples 1 and 2, are portrayed as strong, emotionless, brave specimens in their masculinity in the crudest of terms!

So, there you have it. This language ultimately boils down to a sexist, misogynistic dichotomy of:

Male / man / masculine = strong vs. Female / woman / feminine = weak

Well, let me tell you this: women are strong. We all have emotions and how we feel is certainly not a “weakness”. Every human being is an individual and we should not to be defined by our martial status, age, gender etc. So please, let’s avoid such sexist language and spread a more positive egalitarian message!

By Elizabeth Arif-Fear

Credits and acknowledgements

This article was first published via She Speaks We Hear on 04/02/2018.

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Dear Sister: Violence is not love

The other month I came across a very moving poem by Nomad Speaks called “Dear Sister” which addresses the issue of domestic violence.

Here in the UK and across the world, domestic abuse is a big issue. It knows no boundaries, affecting women of every culture, religion, race and ethnicity. Young and old, it doesn’t matter to an abuser. Just take a look at these stats on the situation here in the UK:

  • Every week across England and Wales, on average two women are killed by their partner
  • Every hour the police on average receive over 100 calls relating to domestic abuse
  • In 2015/2016, 83.3% of victims were women (where gender was recorded)

Yes, it’s a widespread issue. Which is why any means to empower women (and male victims) is all the more welcome. Check out the great poem here:

Now remember, domestic abuse takes many forms. It’s not just physical violence. It’s also words, it’s dominating and demeaning behaviour – in short, it’s ultimately his attempt to control you and disempower you.

Domestic abuse can include:

  • Sexual abuse: rape and/or coercion, forcing you to participate in sexual activities
  • Financial abuse: demanding your wages, not letting you spend your own money
  • Spiritual abuse: forbidding you to pray, go to church, practice your faith etc.
  • Physical abuse: beating, hitting, burning, hair pulling etc.
  • Emotional and psychological abuse: insulting you, demeaning you, making you feel you are worthless etc.
  • Stalking and harrassment

So, if you know anyone at risk, remember wounds aren’t always physical – there’s other ways they may be suffering.

For more information please visit Womens Aid.

Lastly, for brothers in need, please contact the Men’s Advice Line.

Credits:

Feature image: dualdflipflop (CC BY 2.0)

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10 Trends which reveal the reality behind gender inequality

You’ve no doubt heard about gender inequality but you may not be aware of the reality that women across the world face. What does “gender inequality” actually mean in real terms? Perhaps you may feel that in your part of the world it’s not an issue. Well, I beg to differ. Statistically speaking, women are more likely to be affected by a range of discrimination and abuse than their male peers due to their gender and the relationship between poverty and prevailing socio-cultural norms. Now, everything has a context and therefore social, cultural and economic factors must be taken into account but by being female – across the so-called “developed” and non-developing world, there are a range of trends that stick and which are unacceptable in the 21st century.

Here’s 10 trends which highlight and exemplify the shocking reality of gender inequality today.

1. Women are the hardest hit by poverty

Women are overall disproportionately affected by poverty. According to the International Labor Organization (ILO), out of the 1.3 billion people worldwide living in extreme poverty, women account for a disproportionately large amount of this figure. But what about in the “developed world”? What about mainstream society? Well, the UN’s research “The World’s Women” in 2015 concluded that in Europe women and girls were greater affected by poverty than men (53%).

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2. More girls leave school early and become illiterate than their male peers

Without an education, you’re more likely to remain trapped in the cycle of poverty and without a doubt, women and girls are the worst affected. Due to a combination of social, cultural and economic factors such as poverty and child marriage, many girls leave school much earlier than is required leaving them unable to gain a solid education and build their future.

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3. Females are more likely to experience sexual violence

We need to break the myth that sexual violence only affects women and girls. It DOES affect men but to a far lesser degree. Many women (as well as men) will also not report or speak out about sexual violence for fear of retribution of social stigma, but the figures we do have are shocking.

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4. Women are excluded from habitually male-led decision making

We’ve all heard of the glass ceiling and it’s real. The lack of females in politics and high management positions is shocking as this ultimately means that women are excluded from decision making, meaning that half of the population remain under-represented in politics, finance etc. – you name it!

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5. Women earn less than their male colleagues for the same job

Not only are women more likely than men to work in undervalued, low-paid or vulnerable jobs but women are also on average paid less than men (ILO, 2012; UN Women, 2017). According to the World Bank, in most countries across the globe, women on average earn only 60-75% of what men do. This is a staggering phenomena in the “Western world” which many find hard to believe.

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6. Being female means you’re more likely to be sold into slavery

Human trafficking is a serious problem across the globe. Most victims of human trafficking are female and the numbers of girls being trafficked is increasing. Human trafficking of women and girls often involves sexual exploitation and is unimaginably detrimental to the psychological, emotional, physical, sexual, social, cultural and economical wellbeing of those affected.

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7. Women are more likely to die from natural hazards

When natural disaster strikes, women are once again at greater risk of harm. Women living in poverty (as usual!) are more likely to be affected than their male counterparts and remain incredibly vulnerable.

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8. Girls are more likely to be affected by HIV and AIDS than their male peers

51% of adults living with HIV are female (UNAIDS, 2015). What’s more, if we break down the figures by age, we find that young girls and women (aged 15 to 24 years old) are particularly vulnerable to infection (UNAIDS 2015; UN Women 2017). New infections amongst young women are higher than that of their male peers and with 45% of teenage girls in certain cases declaring that their first sexual experience was non-consensual, this may not come as a surprise for many people out there (UNAIDS, 2014).

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9. Women spend more time on unpaid housework and less on leisure than men

We may think this is a stereotype but it’s true. Across the world, in pretty much every country, each day men spend more time on leisure activities while women spend more time doing unpaid housework (OECD, 2017). Women take on the major burden of domestic and care work – even when they have a job of their own.

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10. Being born female means you’re more likely to be married as a child

Child marriage predominantly affects girls. Whilst boys can be affected, the numbers show that this is a far less common occurrence. Child marriage results in high numbers of young girls missing out on an education, financial independence and being subject to sexual, emotional and physical abuse. For girls of such a young age, childbirth can even mean death, as their young bodies cannot bear the physical burden.

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So there we are folks. The figures speak for themselves. Please, please – next time you hear someone harping on about “feminism” this and that as though it’s a man-hating phenomena, remind them of these facts. We must keep raising awareness and challenging socio-cultural norms which discriminate against women and perpetuate the marginalisation, exclusion and abuse of so many women – both closer to home and further afield.

Sources, credits and further information

A full list of sources can be downloaded here (PDF)

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